over and over again...

so it's been a while... i couldn't bring myself to write anything down simply because i didn't know how to explain life at the moment. at this point, i don't even really understand what's went on myself. honestly, last week started out to be one of the most miserable weeks of my life. basically, i thought everything was about to hit the rocks and crash in on me. i don't normally try to get upset about family things because i know i can't control or change things that go on in their lives so i hide the pain that situations bring me and whatnot. i've come to understand and realize that this is a dangerous place to be for me because i go with feelings far too much and if i'm upset but hiding it, things crumble before my eyes. i grow silent and distant for the most part and look to someone to just understand and lift me up without having to explain what's going on. i just look for a friend. jacob gets me and he knows that i'm an emotional wreck of a girl at best and he's not a "feelings, open emotions" kind of guy. and before i even start in on getting all this out.. if YOU and you know who you are read this.. i'm sorry for everything that happened and everything that was said or misunderstood last week..

i don't know where to start... or end for that matter. i can laugh about it now, saying you'd become my best friend. and you have for the most part. i guess you fill the void of my guy friend. i've always been attached to guy friends rather than girls because that's what i grew up around and who i grew to trust... guys. some things you just can't tell your significant other.. things you share with best friends.. and i can share this stuff with you. i can be so open with you and know you'll crack a joke to break the tension but be serious enough about it to get me over it. we may not always get along just perfect, but look at our past. HAHA! i speak for myself here in saying that last week was a train wreck and i felt like i was on the worst roller coaster ever invented. i was SICK. i'll never be able to understand what was going on or ever be able to explain it. i know everything happens for a reason and i wish i could know the reason for what went on. i wish i could erase it but then again, i don't. i wish you could see how much you mean to me as a friend and how much i rely on you to make me smile everyday! i know there's a spectacular reason why we've become such good friends and regardless of whether you feel the same or not.. thank you for being there!

besides that.. i'm fairly blank. but on to the end of the week............

it was amazing. ENOUGH SAID.

i love love love the fact it's warming up at night so i can spend the summer nights at the lake with the best people in the entire world.

You don't know like I know!

What He's done for me! (:

So, yesterday was one of those weird days. I had a wonderful day all around. Mom called me after church and wanted to know if I had come home because the hairdryer was on in my room when she got home last night, that was about the extent of weirdness. Besides the little feeling I had all night long.. starting with praise/worship last night. I was working the visuals back in the booth and normally I'm so stressed trying to keep up back there that I don't get into the service except for maybe listening.. but last night was entirely different. I felt a sense of peace and almost excitement. Pure bliss. This feeling continued on into the service and I admit, it was overwhelming.

 Fellowship with the BEST people in the world after church helped the feeling of happiness linger. I ignored it really having meaning(which I still don't understand, patiently waiting on that part) until a certain friend asked me if I felt like something good was about to happen. I was sort of taken back by this. I replied with an honest yes. It may seem like nothing to this person but it was my confirmation so THANK YOU for that, you're the best. I still don't know what the feeling was, but I would like to know. I'm expecting good things even if I'm put in the midst of a storm.. I'm set on  getting to the rainbow!

Regist - rawr!

Tomorrow I register for classes which that in itself stresses me to the MAX.

I am also working on a speech that's due Friday.
Two assignments in microeconomics that's due before Friday.
Three assignments in soils that's due Monday.
An assignment that's actually due tomorrow.... not completed, yet!
And studying for two tests that will happen on Thursday.

I'm sure there's something missing but I don't even really want to think about it.

Oh yeah, and work& drama practice that will consume Thursday& Friday night.

Andddd for now, shower& sleep!

Tootles!

Ps. I miss my Jacob and "our" time!

Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree

Of course, service was amazing this morning as it always is. The message never fails me. It's always exactly what I need to hear. The Lord knows what I need every morning when I wake up. He's already there at school when I'm leaving my house. He's going right before my every step. There's no need in me worrying like I do when I KNOW he's already there. No doubt. I shouldn't be deceived. Brother Huling hit the nail on the head with the three forms of deception during Sunday School. I agree completely in that we, ourselves, are the greatest and most dangerous form. We are in fact most like the devil when we're possessed by ourselves. Remember.. that's why Lucifer fell. He was the most beautiful angel but became consumed with saying "I will". He was determined with being a ruler and setting on that throne. He was possessed by HIMSELF. So, props to Bro. Huling this morning! I was supposed to have nursery duty this morning so I would have actually missed service except for what I hear through the monitors in the room. Little Christian was the only baby there so Sister Tiffany took him off my hands so I didn't miss service.God knew I needed to be there whether it was for my own sake or helping someone else along in making the decision to get to the altar.

There comes a time in every person's life when they need to make an altar. Not a literal altar in their house or anything but a place, spiritually, that they can run to in times of need and repentance. A place to remember where the Lord delivered them from. He picks us up from the miry clay.. filthy and dirty. He cleanses us and embraces us. I have to always remember He's right there in front of me waiting with open arms. I just have to realize it and run to Him.

"Oh how He loves us..How He loves us, oh.." It's true. I do bend beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. If it wasn't for His grace, where would I be? I want this to consume my mind everyday. I want to receive a love for His truth. We studied it this morning  for if we don't receive this God will send a strong delusion so that we may believe a lie. That's a scary thought but He knows everything about us and if He knows we'll believe a lie because we don't love His truth... that hurts me. I never want to pass up the opportunity to love Him. I always want to be sensitive to His Spirit and the love He's shown me over the years.

Afterall...

He is jealous for ME!